You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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