the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
