I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
