I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
