My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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