i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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