Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
