We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she peed on how many people?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
