I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
