My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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