So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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