spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Randomize
