Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
