Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
