your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We are two peas in an std pod
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
