He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
