Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Operation Purity has been aborted
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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