Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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