just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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