I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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