It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
