i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?