my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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