i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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