ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
