hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
