I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think my moral compass just broke
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
