Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
