U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
