I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
