Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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