you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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