: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
