can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
