I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
