Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
