dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
operation have a gay friend backfired
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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