its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
