haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
