Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
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