I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
