I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
