I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
