how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
