I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
