he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
