I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
