My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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