dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
