Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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