Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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