i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
