You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i came on her dog
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
