She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
