Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
