somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
