We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
