Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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