I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
