After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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