You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
