how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
