I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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