I wish I could punch you in the face.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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