whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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