Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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