I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
