I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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