so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
