dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
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The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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