Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
